Some of you may have seen the results in the papers or posted somewhere else. I placed 3rd at the trials, the best place finish I've had at the Olympic Trials, but I did not make the Olympic Team. Unfortunately, I didn't get the "A" time standard needed to make the team; nor did the 2nd place finisher, so only the winner, Joanne Dow, will be representing the U.S. in Beijing. This happened to be the case (or similar) in all racewalking events for the men and the women, so there will only be 3 racewalkers in Beijing: Philip Dunn in the 50km, Kevin Eastler in the men's 20km, and Joanne in the women's 20km.
I was confident going into the race: remembering all of the miles I put into my training, all of the long workout sessions on the track and roads, and keeping in mind all of the positive words and energy from my family and friends. The race course was lined with my racewalking family - all of those who've seen me compete since I began this "habit" back in 1991. It was great to see one of my very first mentors, Dave Snyder, from the Inland Empire Racewalkers in Riverside, on the course as an official. I thought to myself..."there's a reason he's here...he's going to see me make the team after all of these years." Also on the course were my coaches from the Olympic Training Center, Enrique Pena, and my current coach Philippe Gonzalez, who has trained me this year, motivated me day in and day out, and prepared me for this race. On one end of the course were my two housemates and friends, Leo and Lailie, who road-tripped 9 hours to Eugene to watch me race, all decked out with costumes, signs, and cowbells, screaming and making me laugh throughout the race. At the other end was my significant other, Kiki, cheering me on in her own way (with cowbell, of course), reminding me of all of the sacrifice, all of the miles I put in while she rode next to me on the bike, and making me smile. Not present on the course, but with me in my head was my BAWSI family - my team mates - Brandi, Marlene, Laura, Donna, Sharon and Dena - all of the BAWSI Girls and Salud Por Vida women, and the BAWSI community. I was definitely powered up.
It was a chilly and windy morning, despite the warm weather earlier in the week. The #1 and #2 ranked walkers, Teresa Vaill and Joanne, took off from the gun. I held back just a bit, figuring that I would let those two battle it out on the first lap while I held my own pace. They took the lead and continued to push the pace each lap. I charged after them, but unfortunately, could not and did not ever catch them. Joanne, who has not made an Olympic Team after 3 attempts, gave it all out to lead and ultimately win the race. Teresa persevered, but after training in the Florida heat and racing in the colder conditions, she tightened up and could not stay with Joanne. After starting out strong, I began to tighten up myself at about 8km into the race, so I was concerned with holding my pace and maintaining my place as the 4th and 5th place walkers, Sam Cohen and Jolene Moore, fought together to catch me. It took everything I had to finish the race ahead of them. It would have been easy to just give up, seeing my times slip off of what I needed to get the A standard and seeing Joanne and Teresa inch further and further ahead of me, knocking my chances of winning the race. But I charged on, fueled with the cheers of my loved ones and the spectators and the will to just finish what I started.
As you may imagine, the result of the race is bittersweet, having my best place finish in my career, being on the podium at Hayward Field amidst 21,000 raging track and field fans, running the victory lap while giving hi-fives to kids and fans and signing autographs...and then not being able to go with the rest of the team. All I can keep telling myself is that I did my very best effort on Sunday. This is when you have to believe that it's the journey and not the destination that counts; that it's an amazing feat to be the 3rd best in the country; and to have had the courage to train day after day in the first place. Unfortunately, it still hurts and it is still disappointing. One can't help but feel that so many people have been let down. Of course I know that I didn't let my supporters down, but I do know that there have been many sacrifices made by my family, friends, and supporters because of my decision to train for this endeavor, and then to not accomplish my goal... well, it's just hard not to feel disappointed in myself...even though I did my best on the race day.
The good news is that I know these feelings will pass...the heartbreak will mend, and I will get back on the roads and continue the journey as usual. I am truly grateful for having the opportunity to train and make it this far and I am blessed to be surrounded by such amazing and inspiring people that are the wind at my back. I appreciate all of the support I've had from everyone who have known me along this never-ending road to make the elusive Olympic Team. Regardless of whether or not I get to my destination, I vow to cherish and appreciate the road I have chosen to take, all while continuing to inspire and empower those who come along my way.
